Lonely night

Lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling which I am so familiar with. I know the number of cracks, the length of each of them. I recognize the small patch of plaster that is slightly bloated and detached from the ceiling. A possible growing leakage I guess. This house is more than a decade old.

I've just hung up from the nightly phone conversation with dear. It's 11.30, but I'm still wide awake. Most days, I'd find lying down and staring blankly into space a really peaceful and restful thing to do. Tonight, I just feel lonely. The quietness of the night which I usually find peace in is pressurizing and suffocating. I want to talk to someone. But what should I say? Who can I talk to? Hugging tightly all the plushies on my bed, I think I can squeeze out a little warmth for my heart to keep me going on nights like this...

The dim orange glow from my study lamp alone lights up my room. I turned it off a while ago, but darkness in the room was getting unbearable. I had to turn them back on. I feel more at ease sleeping alone with the lights on nowadays...