Why does people want to go into relationships? There're lots of laughter and happiness during happy times, but what about the unhappy times? No one mentioned that you have to stop being yourself just to not let your partner get upset. Sadness, bitterness and pain overtakes the body and gnaws away the soul, leaving behind a carcass that is void of energy to do anything. I had to isolate myself. I did not have the energy to even smile when people talked to me.
In solitude, I find peace that I have not had in a long time. What is so unpleasant about being alone? What is so unpleasant about not speaking to anyone for hours? I feel at ease being alone. The feeling is familiar and comforting. Even when I cry, no one would be around to look at me as if I'm an oddity or give useless words of advise. No one would be there to judge if what I think is necessary or not.
It wasn't easy at first. My heart was aching so bad I couldn't think properly. My heart was so broken up I needed to tell someone how painful it was. But there was no one to turn to. There was no one to talk to. Even if there was, what should I say? But I think I'm beginning to get used to the pain. Not that it is not there anymore, it's just that it doesn't feel as painful anymore. The wounds are healing? I doubt it would be soon. They probably just went numb.
Wouldn't it be good that one day, I can't feel pain anymore? Pain is a horrible feeling. I fear pain, yet it always comes back to haunt me. Each time, the pain gets stronger. The wounds grow longer and deeper. I wonder what happened to the lonelier yet happier me? Living in my own world yet free from harm, free from tears and pain... As I was reminiscing the past, somehow I feel I miss those times very much.
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